Bean Bot

🫘 BeanBot doesn't do anything useful. That's the whole point.

It runs a fake currency called Beans, and nothing about the economy makes sense on purpose. /daily pays out somewhere between 1 and 7,000,000 Beans, completely at random. The store sells a Rock for 14 Beans and an Invisible Rock for 8,000,000. Say "bro" in chat and prices go up 1% — say it 100 times and the server enters hyperinflation. The richest user gets randomly audited by the "Bean IRS" and loses 87% of their Beans for "being suspiciously wealthy."

What else it does:

• Hands out fake achievements nobody earned, like Remembered to Breathe


• Occasionally gaslights people ("Nobody said that.")


• Generates conspiracy theories on demand (/conspiracy)


• Delivers unappealable verdicts on anything with /judge


• Runs a /timer that sometimes just gives up halfway through


• Replies "You too." exactly 5 hours after someone says "goodnight everyone" — even if they're offline by then


• Tells whoever says "first" that they were actually #14,329


• Occasionally fires off Bean Rain, Pigeon Tax, Bean Shortage, Market Crash, or Bean Court (complete with a meaningless ✅/❌ vote)

Nothing BeanBot does changes anything real. It's a joke bot for servers that want a little chaos with their group chat.